Reflections

They say nudism changes lives. But don’t let that frighten you. Nudity will only change your life in the best possible way.

Nudity changed my life. I'll tell you how.

I used to be different from how I am now. I worked hard at my job. I had a relationship with a nice woman.

When I went to bed at night, I used to say sad things to myself.

The things I said were: Is this it? Is this all there is?

Stuff was not so good.

I had a good job and made a good living, but I didn't like my job especially. Actually I hated it. I dreaded having to go. I've worked hard all my life, and in my job people looked at me and thought I had been successful. But I hated it, I hated the work. I’m entitled to say it because sometimes it seemed I had done the work for a million years.

And then there is the nice woman I have a relationship with. She is so nice, but we love different things. I love all sorts of pointless things. She loves me.

“Let's go to Hawaii,” I’d say.

“No, too expensive,” she’d say.

“Let’s go to Barcelona,” I’d say.

“No, I can’t take off from work just now,” she’d say.

“Let’s go camping,” I’d say.

“No, it’s too cold,” she’d say.

“Let’s climb a mountain!”

“No, it’s dangerous.”

“Let's get married?”

“No, I’m not ready,” she said.

She really has done nothing wrong. She is just always, irrevocably herself. I was the one who did something wrong. I decided that the things I loved were dumb, pointless. I forgot that the pointless things are the things that make life worth living, and I so I settled for less.

One night I had trouble sleeping.

“Something has got to change,” I said aloud.

No one responded. Not surprising as I was alone. I felt alone. I felt unhappy.

Then one day everything changed. I remember it was on a weekday afternoon on my day off. I was feeling alone. I was feeling bored. I was feeling unhappy, not something unusual at the time. I sat in my apartment, surfing the net. Not looking for anything in particular, just killing time, trying to escape the mind-numbing boredom of it all. I was feeling old, old and sad.

But I happened across an important site - a nudist site. I don’t know how I even came across it. I wasn’t looking for a nudist site that I recall. I hadn’t even been thinking of it. I stared at the page and the photos arrested me entirely, making me forget the aloneness, the boredom and the sadness. The photos weren’t titillating, not arousing. I have never had any use for porn because it seems so plastic, artificial. It seems to make something ugly of something meant to be graceful and beautiful. So know – I wasn’t looking at the photos as a voyeur, seeking a thrill.

There were photos of men’s butts, photos of women’s breasts. But the photos weren’t like porn. They looked like ordinary people. People you see everyday. People like me.

In the photo the people were doing normal things: Swimming at the beach, tanning by a pool, playing golf, riding in boats. Just normal stuff – nothing pretentious – nothing saucy pretending to be innocent. The moments captured in the photos seemed warm and sublime and harmonious. To me, it looked like everyone seemed happy and enjoying themselves. The very thing I wanted and did not have.

Yes, I had heard of nudists before. I guess I’d even practiced it myself in a disorganized sort of way. Of course I’d been nude as everyone has at some point. I’ve always preferred sleeping in the nude. A few times while backpacking in the back country I’d gone skinny-dipping and taken a naked dip in hot springs. Once I even sat outside my tent naked soaking up the warming rays of sunlight after a summer rainstorm, waiting for my clothes to dry. But I’d never thought of myself as a nudist or so much as entertained a whimsical thought of becoming one.

I went from the photos to reading some posts in the forums. I read about places you could go, clubs and resorts where you could spend time in “social nudity.” I didn’t really know what that meant other than it was being nude around other people who were also nude. I was actually surprised by the fact that I found the idea appealing. A little intimidating but nevertheless appealing.

The next day I returned to the site again. I continued to look at the photos and read the posts people had written. I took off my shirt, my cut-offs and socks. I wanted to feel what the people in the photos seemed to feel. I wanted to feel nude. I started to think about going to one of the clubs. There was a page I found on the site where I learned that unbeknownst to me there were actually several within an hour’s drive.

I decided to go.

I sent an email and asked about when and how I could arrange a visit. Several emails actually as I keep thinking of more questions to ask. The representative for the resort was very kind and patient and answered all of the emails quickly. Finally, I got up the nerve and made a reservation.

So within days of “discovering” nudism I was packing my camping stuff and then actually driving on the freeway to a nudist resort. I was sort of excited but also pretty nervous. I had no idea what to expect. Finally I reached the turnoff and then the gate. I’d called the owner a few minutes out and I guess he was watching for me and a second after coming to a stop, the gate opened. I drove through, stopped and parked in front of the wood frame welcome center, freshly painted with a shiny coat of paint. The owner standing on the porch to greet me. We went inside and he gave me a soft drink as he explained what the club was about and went over the rules. He gave me a tour that began and later ended at the clubhouse located in the center of the property. He was very personable and friendly and my nervousness had pretty well dissipated by the end of the tour, so I was ready when he suggested I get out of my clothes. I did without hesitation and didn’t for a moment feel self-conscious or embarrassed. He pointed out a few more areas of interest and then left me on my own to explore the facilities telling me I was welcome to use anything there.

How did I feel on the first time I visited a nudist club?

Like a kid at Christmas.

But something more than that, too. Something hard to put into words really. Trying to explain to someone who has never experienced it what it was like to be nude outdoors for the first time for no particular reason is kind of like trying to explain what a particular color looks like to someone who is blind. In these words I’ve written about my experience you might get something of a peripheral view from reading of the experience I describe, but to truly understand it, one must participate. My story simply paints something of a one dimensional picture of the experience to those who have not actually experienced it for themselves. From the first moments something told me that this experience was going to do something to me. It was going to get into me.

It’s easy to say what I did at the resort, that first visit. I just hung out in the nude, relaxed - chilled out. I tried different things and checked out the experience from head to toe. I did nothing either dangerous or strange. I hung out around my camp. I went jogging. I hiked the nature trails, sunbathed by the pool, tried out the sauna and relaxed in the hot tub – all in the nude. During my time there I didn’t put on a stitch of clothing for more than nearly 30 hours. When it was time to leave, to be honest by that time I didn’t even want to put clothes on my body again – not ever. But then you have to live in the real world – have to keep it real. So after the most relaxing and enjoyable time that I’d spent in who knows how long, I packed up my camp, dressed and prepared to face civilization once again. I visited during the week so there weren’t as many people around as I am told there are on weekends, but I met a few people, some clothed and some nude. Even though I was nude, it didn’t feel weird, and even now I find that hard to believe even though I experienced it. It is hard to explain, but when you see nude people it is different, remarkably so from seeing people in clothes and not because all their parts are uncovered. You just see them differently. You don’t think about age, size, weight and those sorts of things. They are just people, people like me, people like you. If anything profound, I guess I came way understanding that we all look pretty much the same naked.

That’s what I did during my first visit to a nudist club. It doesn't help you understand why I came home and realized my life had changed. I still have the same job, but it doesn’t seem nearly as bad as it once did. I still have my relationship with my nice woman who still doesn’t want to embrace the dumb, pointless things I love. I don’t know if in the end we will stay together. I know her pretty well so I already know what she would say if I asked.

“Let’s go to a nudist resort for the weekend.”

“No, let’s not,” she’d say.

She would probably benefit from the experience more than most because I know well she has body image issues. She has weighed more and she has weighed less since I’ve known her but she has never been anything but attractive to me, especially naked. But she will never be small enough, thin enough, or toned enough to suit her and the image that the thoughtless idiots on Madison Avenue have put into her head with their glossy, airbrushed, manipulated and plastic photos of the “perfect” body.

To understand why I’m not the same any longer, you don’t really need to know what all happened, or don’t need to know what I did at that resort. You simply need to know how I felt. Simply put, I felt like the people in those photos I saw on that dreary day. In a word, I felt alive. Alive, for the first time in a long time. I remembered to remember that the dumb, pointless things I love are the important things and I’m not willing to settle for less anymore.

On one level, nudity is one of those dumb, pointless things and so it is only natural that I’d come to love it. But on another level, experiencing nudity allows you to take off and drop all your cares and the daily stresses of everyday life right along with your clothes. Socializing with other naked people is a breath of fresh air because they are just out there, who they really are, nothing hidden and nothing fake. Nudity in this sense isn’t an erotic experience, it isn’t sexual at all. It is simply a pathway, a portal, a means for people to really get in touch with their essential self. Sometimes I think nudity is something of a metaphor. The awakening in the body speaking for an awakening in the mind.

Social nudity is to me a sort of a rite of passage. It takes you away from your ordinary life - your job, your commute, your television programs, your on-line banking. It transports you to a place set apart. It teaches you things you need to know. This is the luminal period. When you have to clothe yourself again and return to the “real” world, you are ready to be the next version of you. Like a traditional rite of passage you learn new rituals and become endowed with a new doctrine. You learn how to be a different man or woman. You are emptied so you may receive a new set of social rules.

Nudity can change your life. Say yes to it, and it will enter you and become a part of you.